Most Choose to be the Victim: How to Take Control of Your Life

shell beachIf you are chronically unhappy, depressed or disappointed in life, it is because you have chosen to be a victim.

The victim mindset is toxic, yet the majority unconsciously embrace the victim’s way of life.

You can choose to be happy or sad – a winner or loser.

Blame strips you of your power – leaving you defenseless.

But you will become emboldened when you accept complete responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

Viktor Frankl, survivor of Nazi concentration camps.

Your “victimization” may stem from race, sex, childhood trauma, unhappy marriage, disappointing career or everything in between.

There is nothing that happened yesterday that defines who you are today, but every time you blame, you define yourself as a victim.

I used to roll my eyes when I heard this “new age, hippy shit.” I’m more of an alpha, so this philosophy did not register until I correlated it with violence.

New police officers are taught techniques to disarm a suspect who is pointing a gun at them.

“The techniques are worthless,” I say when I begin my lecture. “Just like rape prevention classes are pointless for most women.” 

Regardless how well you can perform these skills, they are irrelevant if you have unconsciously decided to be a victim.

Personally, I have chosen that I will never be a victim – not ever.

That’s not the “right” answer, but it’s my answer.

I will always dictate the part I have control over.

I will never allow someone to steal my autonomy, regardless of the risks.  

Someday I may lose – but at least I failed on my terms – by my choice.

When you adopt that attitude you rarely have to fight, but you do have to be mentally prepared for battle.

Fighting rarely means going toe to toe with a violent attacker.

It means you will always accept responsibility for the outcome.

You become a victim when allow yourself to feel helpless.

We cannot control others, but we can always control our own thoughts and choices.

And making no decision is still a decision.

Whether it’s a mugger, angry spouse or a jackass boss, you can always choose how you will respond.

The moment you relinquish that power is the moment you resolve to being a victim.

If you choose to suffer, no one can ever relieve you of that pain.

You alone have the power to decide if you will accept responsibility and be empowered or remain helpless and be a victim. 


Photo: I took this at Shell Beach, California

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4 Responses to Most Choose to be the Victim: How to Take Control of Your Life

  1. Sandra says:

    Awesome ♡

  2. Antonia says:

    Great article Chuck!

    I’ll be honest, I was guilty of the victim mindset at some point. As you pointed out, it was the very thing that kept me stuck. Until I found out that the person whom I felt was ‘doing and saying horrible things to ME’, was going through a very tough situation and had been abused as a child. In other words, she was not doing anything to me, she was acting from her own suffering.

    • Chuck says:

      Thanks for reading and sharing Antonia. I think we all can get caught in this thinking at various times. It’s good to know we are not alone and there is a better way.

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