I’m the worst guy to give relationship advice—or perhaps the best, it depends on your perspective.
I’ve been divorced twice.
On the one hand, I’ve screwed up a few relationships, but on the other hand, I’ve had lots of opportunities to learn.
In marketing, it’s often said there are no failed promotions, only tests. Thomas Edison famously said the same thing about his botched light bulb experiments.
“I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”
My first marriage ended after my high school sweetheart cheated on me. I ended my second marriage after years of arguing.
You probably don’t care about my relationship gossip (or maybe you do), but the reason I’m sharing these embarrassing stories is because those failures were completely avoidable.
For a long time, I blamed my spouses. I played the victim and told the same old “poor me” tales to get significance. It was easy to validate my perspective by sharing the stories of first being cheated on and then marrying a woman with a temper.
Sure, my first wife was responsible for cheating, and my second wasn’t the best communicator, but those stories conveniently ignore my contribution to the problems. With the luxury of hindsight, it’s easy to say, had I known then what I know now, neither divorce (nor marriage) would have happened.
Wisdom often comes with age, but not always. Regardless, I could have figured things out a lot sooner, and with far less pain, if I had gotten help. Once I put aside my ego and stopped playing victim, I was empowered to improve the areas I had control over.
I have such deep appreciation for you and everyone who reads my work, because without you I could not do what I’m passionate about. I’m hoping that exposing my failures will inspire you to learn from my mistakes.
When I compare my pattern in business to my pattern in relationships, there is one distinct difference—and that is where there is a lesson to be learned.
I have been obsessed with achieving “success” since I was 15 years old. Back then, my naive definition of success meant earning money, accumulating possessions, and advancing in my career. I was obsessed so I devoured every book, class, or seminar on money, investing, marketing, and business. Then I hired coaches to fill in the gaps.
I’ve been studying business and investing most of my life, but I did not do that in my marriages. It wasn’t until after my second divorce that I consciously focused on learning how to succeed in relationships through books, seminars, and therapists.
On a side note, I’ve pretty much figured out women. Everything you need to know can be summed up in a two-minute video: www.ChuckRylant.com/women (enjoy) 😊
Rates of divorce are similar to rates of failure in business and investing, so it’s crazy that I did not study relationships with the same vigor I did the other areas. But it’s equally nuts to ignore focused study of wealth attraction and preservation—yet most people do that their entire lives.
Nothing can replace the lessons I have learned from making expensive mistakes, but it was investing in my personal development that dramatically shortened my learning curve and continues to be the single greatest investment of my life.
We are not born with the skills needed to thrive in life. High school and college offer virtually nothing to help, which leaves it up to you to master the Three Pillars of an Extraordinary Life.
Do not wait for years of mistakes before you make those pillars a priority by hiring a coach and devouring books.
We cannot see our unconscious limitations that are the obstacles between where we are now and where we want to be. If we could see the roadblock, we would have already overcome it.
They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same pattern and expecting a different outcome. The good news is that you get to decide if this year will be different from the rest.
If you’d like help reaching that next level, let me know and I will try to fit you into my coaching schedule. Regardless, I will be rooting for your success.
By the way, I appreciate the many kind notes I’ve gotten about these articles. I love hearing from you, so please keep them coming.
P.S. Do you receive the Extraordinary Living monthly letter mailed to your home? You can sign up for it here.