Thankfully I Screwed Up

I’m the worst guy to give relationship advice—or perhaps the best, it depends on your perspective.

I’ve been divorced twice.

On the one hand, I’ve screwed up a few relationships, but on the other hand, I’ve had lots of opportunities to learn.

In marketing, it’s often said there are no failed promotions, only tests. Thomas Edison famously said the same thing about his botched light bulb experiments.

I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

My first marriage ended after my high school sweetheart cheated on me. I ended my second marriage after years of arguing.

You probably don’t care about my relationship gossip (or maybe you do), but the reason I’m sharing these embarrassing stories is because those failures were completely avoidable.

For a long time, I blamed my spouses. I played the victim and told the same old “poor me” tales to get significance. It was easy to validate my perspective by sharing the stories of first being cheated on and then marrying a woman with a temper.

Sure, my first wife was responsible for cheating, and my second wasn’t the best communicator, but those stories conveniently ignore my contribution to the problems. With the luxury of hindsight, it’s easy to say, had I known then what I know now, neither divorce (nor marriage) would have happened.

Wisdom often comes with age, but not always. Regardless, I could have figured things out a lot sooner, and with far less pain, if I had gotten help. Once I put aside my ego and stopped playing victim, I was empowered to improve the areas I had control over.

I have such deep appreciation for you and everyone who reads my work, because without you I could not do what I’m passionate about. I’m hoping that exposing my failures will inspire you to learn from my mistakes.

When I compare my pattern in business to my pattern in relationships, there is one distinct difference—and that is where there is a lesson to be learned.

I have been obsessed with achieving “success” since I was 15 years old. Back then, my naive definition of success meant earning money, accumulating possessions, and advancing in my career. I was obsessed so I devoured every book, class, or seminar on money, investing, marketing, and business. Then I hired coaches to fill in the gaps.

I’ve been studying business and investing most of my life, but I did not do that in my marriages. It wasn’t until after my second divorce that I consciously focused on learning how to succeed in relationships through books, seminars, and therapists.

On a side note, I’ve pretty much figured out women. Everything you need to know can be summed up in a two-minute video: www.ChuckRylant.com/women (enjoy) 😊

Rates of divorce are similar to rates of failure in business and investing, so it’s crazy that I did not study relationships with the same vigor I did the other areas. But it’s equally nuts to ignore focused study of wealth attraction and preservation—yet most people do that their entire lives.

Nothing can replace the lessons I have learned from making expensive mistakes, but it was investing in my personal development that dramatically shortened my learning curve and continues to be the single greatest investment of my life.

We are not born with the skills needed to thrive in life. High school and college offer virtually nothing to help, which leaves it up to you to master the Three Pillars of an Extraordinary Life.

Do not wait for years of mistakes before you make those pillars a priority by hiring a coach and devouring books.

We cannot see our unconscious limitations that are the obstacles between where we are now and where we want to be. If we could see the roadblock, we would have already overcome it.

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same pattern and expecting a different outcome. The good news is that you get to decide if this year will be different from the rest.

If you’d like help reaching that next level, let me know and I will try to fit you into my coaching schedule. Regardless, I will be rooting for your success.

By the way, I appreciate the many kind notes I’ve gotten about these articles. I love hearing from you, so please keep them coming.

***

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The Three Pillars of an Extraordinary Life

If you’re like the rest of us, you have your fair share of fears, self-doubt, and anxiety, and occasionally make some irrational decisions.

We’re not born with these traits—they’re how our minds have adapted to our experiences.

Maybe you’ve learned to hide your real emotions behind a well-constructed facade, but you and I both know they are there.

However, what you may not realize is just how much these subconscious emotions limit your business, career, and wealth potential.

Since every one of us lives with some dysfunctional emotions, it’s easy to wonder what allows some people to thrive while others fail. Continue reading “The Three Pillars of an Extraordinary Life”

June 2019 Q & A

Post your questions in the comments, on any subject, and I will be glad to answer them in the next Q & A.

This month I focused on the personal finance questions I received.

    • What are the most profitable investments?
    • Is the current political trend in California financially feasible to the individual?
    • Term vs whole life insurance?
    • Is Bitcoin a good investment?
    • What about reverse mortgage for retirement?

If you’re interested in this subject, be sure to check out my best selling book,How to be Rich: The Couple’s Guide to a Rich Life Without Worrying About Money.”

(Watch video or read transcript below)

This month I’m focusing on personal finance, which has always been an interest of mine since the 80s when I saw the movie Quicksilver with Kevin Bacon who played a bicycle messenger that made a bunch of money in the stock market. Ever since I saw that movie, probably in my freshman year of high school, I became obsessed with personal finance and the stock market. Continue reading “June 2019 Q & A”

Chuck Rylant: How Jiu-Jitsu Led to the Hero of His Story

 
— Written by By Cindy Cyr —

Growing up, Chuck Rylant was driven to become a real-life hero.

Not having a healthy father figure in his life, Chuck sought out male role models, which ultimately came through the fictional characters he saw in movies. He was naturally drawn to action movie heroes of the eighties such as Sylvester Stallone in Rambo, Bruce Willis in Die Hard, and Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, and these heroes were his inspiration throughout a traumatic childhood that was filled with chaos.

In and out of foster homes when he was young, Chuck grew up on welfare and in government housing projects from the time he was born until he was 16, at which point he moved out to live on his own. Continue reading “Chuck Rylant: How Jiu-Jitsu Led to the Hero of His Story”

You Can Pretty Much Ignore Professional Credentials

Be careful when considering expertise only based on credentials or length of time in a profession.

These are both dated ways of thinking and encouraged by bureaucratic organizations such as unions or income generating professional associations designed to encourage ladder climbing.

People entrenched in these systems often feel the need to keep people from skipping rungs on the ladder and jumping all the way to the top, because it serves their own self interest of maintaining their own position in the hierarchy.

I can tell you from experience that the coveted MBA, JD, or any other set of letters, are NOT the qualifications that makes you an expert qualified to give advice.

I have an MBA and am considered a “tax expert” according to my credentials. I’ve also had business successes and failures, I’ve studied from books, seminars, and coaches and am also on the other side of the fence in providing coaching and consulting.

Without a doubt, the fastest way to learn business, tax, or any other skill is from lots and lots of self study and coaching from the right coach and then finally jumping in and making mistakes.

It is far more important that a coach/consultant has the knowledge and is the able to connect with you in a way you can learn, than all of the letters after his or her name.

And time in service, which is the union way of ranking people, is often a very poor indicator of skill.

Many years in a profession usually leads to more experience, but often leads to complacency and laziness and the resistance to consider new ideas that young and hungry entrepreneurs are open to.

And in response to the comment about spending most of the time marketing instead of practicing whatever trade you’re in, welcome to the world of being a business owner.

I think we all naively enter a profession because we want to do the thing we do, but quickly learn that in order to run a profitable business and be able to continue helping clients, we have to spend a high percentage of the time marketing.

Anyone who says otherwise has never started a business.

Keep an open mind.

People entrenched in these systems often feel the need to keep people from skipping rungs on the ladder and jumping all the way to the top, because it serves their own self interest of maintaining their own position in the hierarchy.

I can tell you from experience that the coveted MBA, JD or any other set of letters, are NOT the qualifications that makes you an expert qualified to give advice. I have an MBA and am considered a “tax expert” according to my credentials. I’ve also had business successes and failures, I’ve studied from books, seminars, and coaches and am also on the other side of the fence in providing coaching and consulting.

Without a doubt, the fastest way to learn business, tax, or any other skill is from lots and lots of self study and coaching from the right coach and then finally jumping in and making mistakes.

It is far more important that a coach/consultant has the knowledge and is the able to connect with you in a way you can learn, than all of the letters after his or her name. And time in service, which is the union way of ranking people, is often a very poor indicator of skill.

Many years in a profession usually leads to more experience, but often leads to complacency and laziness and the resistance to consider new ideas that young and hungry entrepreneurs are open to.

And in response to the comment about spending most of the time marketing instead of practicing whatever trade you’re in, welcome to the world of being a business owner.

I think we all naively enter a profession because we want to do the thing we do, but quickly learn that in order to run a profitable business and be able to continue helping clients, we have to spend a high percentage of the time marketing. Anyone who says otherwise has never started a business.

Keep an open mind.

Chuck J. Rylant, MBA, CFP,

Be careful when considering expertise only based on credentials or length of time in a profession. These are both dated ways of thinking and encouraged by bureaucratic organizations such as unions or income generating professional associations designed to encourage ladder climbing.

 

People entrenched in these systems often feel the need to keep people from skipping rungs on the ladder and jumping all the way to the top, because it serves their own self interest of maintaining their own position in the hierarchy.

 

I can tell you from experience that the coveted MBA, JD or any other set of letters, are NOT the qualifications that makes you an expert qualified to give advice. I have an MBA and am considered a “tax expert” according to my credentials. I’ve also had business successes and failures, I’ve studied from books, seminars, and coaches and am also on the other side of the fence in providing coaching and consulting.

 

Without a doubt, the fastest way to learn business, tax, or any other skill is from lots and lots of self study and coaching from the right coach and then finally jumping in and making mistakes.

 

It is far more important that a coach/consultant has the knowledge and is the able to connect with you in a way you can learn, than all of the letters after his or her name. And time in service, which is the union way of ranking people, is often a very poor indicator of skill.

 

Many years in a profession usually leads to more experience, but often leads to complacency and laziness and the resistance to consider new ideas that young and hungry entrepreneurs are open to.

 

And in response to the comment about spending most of the time marketing instead of practicing whatever trade you’re in, welcome to the world of being a business owner.

 

I think we all naively enter a profession because we want to do the thing we do, but quickly learn that in order to run a profitable business and be able to continue helping clients, we have to spend a high percentage of the time marketing. Anyone who says otherwise has never started a business.

 

Keep an open mind.

 

Chuck J. Rylant, MBA, CFP,